The Taint Offensive

Obviously, there’s been a lot of concern over the fact that a Nigerian flying from the Netherlands to the United States was able to board an airplane wearing and explosive device hidden in his underwear.
In the wake of this incident, there is a growing concern about a possible plan to implement full-body scanning at airports in response to this terrorist attempt.
Even though the Obama administration won’t admit this was a terrorist attack, let’s face it, it was. Whether we call it a “man-made disaster” or any other PC label, it’s still a terrorist attack, whether it’s attempted or pulled off.
So why the furor over the idea of implementing full-body scans at airports?
I’ll admit, the image of my naked body over a computer scan will probably cause children to cower behind their parents in absolute fear, will cause most men to feel better about themselves and cause most women to vomit on the floor and question their very reason for living.
But still, as someone who as flown on airplanes and probably will fly again in the future, I’d like to know that every precaution is being taken to make sure we get from Point A to Point B (or C or D or E, depending on how many connecting flights you have) as safely as possible. After all, you’re already asking a lot by expecting me to cram into a tube and trust that you’ll get me to my destination in one piece.
If that means checking everything out to make sure that happens, feel free to have a gander at the twig and berries. I can assure you, the only bomb you’ll find in that region is the one that’s brewing after I’ve mowed down on a fried onion and drank three cups of coffee.
Hey, it’s almost 2010. There are idiots out there who are attempting and will attempt any and all means to kill a large amount of people at one time.
If that means making sure every person that boards a plane can’t pull something like that off, then by all means, search me.

Now that’s good comedy

Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong decade, but at least I grew up in a household where I was exposed to real entertainment.
I’m absolutely stoked that AMC is running an all-day Three Stooges marathon on Thursday. I’ll be working that night, but at least I’ll have most of the day to get my fill of Moses, Samuel and Jerome Horowitz and Andrew Louis Feinberg, aka Moe, Shemp, Curly, and Larry.
I really wish they’d still make comedy like this, although topping the Stooges would be a near-impossible task. Various comedy groups since Ted Healy’s boys first appeared on the vaudeville stage, but all of them have fallen short.
That being said, here’s my favorite Stooges episode of all time, “Disorder in the Court.” The one-liners and slapstick are classic.

The ultimate love story

My favorite Christmas memory happened yesterday. That says a lot, seeing that my family (which includes my in-laws) has lots of Christmas traditions a get-togethers, and I’ve been a part of so many of them.
Still, what happened yesterday will be forever etched in my mind and heart and will forever be the defining moment of Christmas 2009 for me.
My grandmother has been in this hospital for the past two weeks. At 88, any hospital time is naturally going to be touch and go. I wouldn’t be lying if I said I’ve been freaked out and worried at the same time.
My grandfather is 90 and is suffering from dementia. On Christmas Day, I had to be introduced to him as I would to a person I just met for the first time. That’s hard, considering we’re talking about a man who taught me how to fish, how to play horseshoes, came and got me when I was homesick after my first few weeks of college and always hooked me up with extra custard after dinner.
This year, my grandparents celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary. And they still hold hands.
For the past two weeks, my grandparents have been separated, which is the longest stretch they’ve ever been apart since they got married.
On Christmas Day, we picked my grandfather up from the nursing home he lives in and brought him to the hospital where my grandmother is staying.
The two of them locked eyes, and my grandfather reached his hand out to his Rosie. And she looked at him and said, “After 65 years, we finally found each other.”
For a moment, my grandfather was in the present. All of a sudden, to the best of his ability, he recognized us and knew we were his family. He knew we loved him. And better yet, he remembered how much he loved us.
But even more so, he knew how much he loved his Rose, and we could tell how much Rose loved her Charlie.
We sat and visited and talked about all the different things that have happened in all of our lives. My mom got ice cream for everyone, my sister grabbed coffee for those of us who wanted some, and my father helped the hospital staff clean up the cafeteria after lunch.
It was almost normal, about as close to the memories I have about sitting in my grandparents’ house having a traditional Christmas dinner, with my grandpa forking over a couple extra helpings of custard on my plate.
When it was time to leave, I saw my grandfather look into my grandmother’s eyes and say goodbye, for now. Then I saw him retreat into the world his dementia has created for him.
However, no matter what the future brings, nothing will ever take that day away from me, or my grandparents. It was that day that things seemed somewhat normal, even if it was for a few hours.
It was a day I saw two people who have been married for 65 years fall in love all over again.

Two people who still hold hands.

Off for the holidays

Krab-cakes and Football is taking a break for the Christmas holiday but will be back afterward with a renewed purpose of blowing your mind. Or nose.

Merry Christmas from me to you. Enjoy yourselves, and this very underappreciated Christmas tune:

Getting a kick in the nuts

One of the best things I’ve experienced since joining Facebook awhile ago is the chance to re-connect with people I haven’t seen or talked to in years. In many instances, I’ve gotten in touch with people I am truly glad to have crossed paths with over the course of my life.
For some people, I wish our paths would have crossed again in this life before it was too late.
I recently became aware that a good friend I had made as a freshman in college, W. Ross Clark, had fallen seriously ill. Today, I learned he died.
I’m not going to pretend that Ross and I were great friends to this day. In fact, I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years.
Still, the news hit me like a punch to the marbles.
My freshman year at Houghton College was a rough one. In fact, so rough that I left after that first year. But that year was made a little easier by a small group of people I had befriended while there, some I’ve since reconnected with as of late.
Ross was one of those people. He certainly had an unique way about him, but there was no denying that Ross was someone special. He was a great talent, a great personality, and a good friend for the time I knew him.
In fact, Ross is one of those people for whom I’m grateful that he and I shared the same road of life, even if it was for a short period of time.
A blog has been set up in Ross’ honor, which you can read by clicking HERE.
But even more importantly, check out the music he’s left behind by clicking HERE. I’m sure this is what he would want to be remembered for.
Rest in peace, my friend. Count me among those who are glad they had a chance to travel through life with you for a bit, even if it was for a short time.

Worst celebrity year ever?

Admit it, for all the griping we all do about the amount of coverage given to celebrities, you know you can’t help but reading about it or watching it on TV.
But seriously, what a kick in the gut it was today to read that actress Brittany Murphy died today at the ripe young age of 32.
If anything, 2009 has not been a great year for the rich and famous, whether they were young or old.
Think about it. The following is a partial list of notables who have died so far this year:
Ricardo Montalban, Andrew Wyeth, John Updike, Ron Silver, Marilyn Chambers, Bea Arthur, Jack Kemp, Dom DeLuise, Chuck Daly, David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Karl Malden, Walter Cronkite, Corazon Aquino, John Hughes, Eunice Kennedy Schriver, Les Paul, Ted Kennedy, Patrick Swayze, Eddie “Umaga” Fatu, Roy Disney, Chris Henry and now, Brittany Murphy.
That’s an awful lot of major notables to die in one year.
Murphy is being eulogized for her roles in “Clueless” and “8 Mile,” but I think her best performance was in “Sin City,” a fantastic movie that never got the credit it deserved.
Here’s clip of Murphy from the flick, in what is one of the finer scenes in cinematic history:

Interesting version of cool song

I put this up at Facebook the other day, but I thought I’d share this video here. It’s a very, very cool cover of “Linus and Lucy,” with a twist of “Christmas Time is Here.”
Nothing says “neat!” like Charlie Brown and a banjo.

Doing something meaningful

Healthcare reform. A faltering economy. Two wars. That’s a lot of heavy issues being debated in the hallowed halls of the U.S. Capitol.
It’s probably difficult to figure out which one is the most important, but I’m glad to see that Congress is tackling even more important issues such as the volume of your televisions.
The U.S. House of Representatives took a bold stand yesterday by voting in favor of legislation aimed at topping TV advertisers from running commercials at louder volumes than the actual programming.
Wow. Now THAT’S really important. Apparently, TV viewers are too stupid to push “down” on the volume button of their remote controls.
Actually, I shouldn’t be surprised that our representatives are spending time on bills like this.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s really annoying when I’m watching “Dog the Bounty Hunter” and reruns of “Beverly Hills, 90210″ when all of a sudden the Shamwow Guy or the Free Credit Report.com rock stars come blaring from the speakers at a higher volume level than the show.
But do I really need the federal government to fix the problem for me? Not so much, especially with everything else that needs fixing in this country.

Then again, Congress dealing with these kinds of issues keeps them from screwing up the major ones, so maybe this is a good thing.

Would it kill you to treat me like a human being?

I hate Time Warner Cable. I’m sure that’s not really anything earth-shattering, since just about everyone who doesn’t collect a paycheck from them hates them.
I especially think the cable company lists treating people like idiots and scum and having a nasty disposition as requirements for working in its customer service department.
Unfortunately, I had to deal with one of these urchins yesterday. The next time, I think I’ll staple an American flag to my butt and walk around downtown Tehran, because I’ll probably be treated better there than I did by this person.
The kicker of the whole thing was I called them because of Time Warner’s screw-up, and they acted like I was a common criminal trying to rip them off.
The woman on the other end of the phone was rude, condescending, and talked to me as if I couldn’t count to 20 without taking my shoes off. And at the end of the conversation, no “thank you for calling” or anything like that. Stupid maggot simply hung up.
The whole ordeal got me thinking about how customer service overall has been tanking over the past several years. It’s not just Time Warner.
Ever head through a McDonald’s drive-thru and have the person whose job is to take your order act like you’re a bother because you’re placing an order? Ever make a transaction at a bank without even speaking to the teller? Or buy a bottle of pop at a convenience store, and have to wait because the clerk is on that all important phone call making plans to go out later?
I just don’t get it. It’s goofy. I thought the whole point of customer service was to deal with customers.
Is it so hard to simply say “hey” and “thanks?” Saying “hello” is quicker than texting “OMG! LOL!” to everyone on your contact list.
Is it so hard to treat people with just the slightest smidgen of courtesy, especially when they’re paying you for a good or service?
I realize people can be a monumental pain in the tuckus from time to time. Believe me, I deal with them on a daily basis.
It still doesn’t mean they’re dog dookie on the bottom of your shoe.

I just realized that sounded like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. Whatever.

Smells like Gen X spirit

I normally don’t get too giddy about the local news I put in the paper on a daily basis. But I’m feeling pretty good about my generation at the moment.
In today’s Recorder, superstar reporter Jessica Maher wrote this fantastic story about four people in Amsterdam, N.Y., who are about to take elected office come Jan. 1. The neat thing about the story is that all four are under the age of 40, a pretty remarkable feat considering it used to be a common thought around here that in order to hold public office, you had to be a retired, balding white male Republican who remembers where they were the day Lincoln was shot. At least that was the joke some of us used to tell.
It’s really cool to see members of my generation get interested in local politics and government. More than that, it’s even cooler to see members of my generation get involved because they actually care about their communities, they like living here, and they want to make this area a better place to live.
This is our time, and, agree with their politics or not, I hope these four individuals will inspire other people in my age group who have decided to stick around to get more involved in their communities and show some civic pride.