The Taint Offensive

30 12 2009

Obviously, there’s been a lot of concern over the fact that a Nigerian flying from the Netherlands to the United States was able to board an airplane wearing and explosive device hidden in his underwear.
In the wake of this incident, there is a growing concern about a possible plan to implement full-body scanning at airports in response to this terrorist attempt.
Even though the Obama administration won’t admit this was a terrorist attack, let’s face it, it was. Whether we call it a “man-made disaster” or any other PC label, it’s still a terrorist attack, whether it’s attempted or pulled off.
So why the furor over the idea of implementing full-body scans at airports?
I’ll admit, the image of my naked body over a computer scan will probably cause children to cower behind their parents in absolute fear, will cause most men to feel better about themselves and cause most women to vomit on the floor and question their very reason for living.
But still, as someone who as flown on airplanes and probably will fly again in the future, I’d like to know that every precaution is being taken to make sure we get from Point A to Point B (or C or D or E, depending on how many connecting flights you have) as safely as possible. After all, you’re already asking a lot by expecting me to cram into a tube and trust that you’ll get me to my destination in one piece.
If that means checking everything out to make sure that happens, feel free to have a gander at the twig and berries. I can assure you, the only bomb you’ll find in that region is the one that’s brewing after I’ve mowed down on a fried onion and drank three cups of coffee.
Hey, it’s almost 2010. There are idiots out there who are attempting and will attempt any and all means to kill a large amount of people at one time.
If that means making sure every person that boards a plane can’t pull something like that off, then by all means, search me.





Now that’s good comedy

29 12 2009

Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong decade, but at least I grew up in a household where I was exposed to real entertainment.
I’m absolutely stoked that AMC is running an all-day Three Stooges marathon on Thursday. I’ll be working that night, but at least I’ll have most of the day to get my fill of Moses, Samuel and Jerome Horowitz and Andrew Louis Feinberg, aka Moe, Shemp, Curly, and Larry.
I really wish they’d still make comedy like this, although topping the Stooges would be a near-impossible task. Various comedy groups since Ted Healy’s boys first appeared on the vaudeville stage, but all of them have fallen short.
That being said, here’s my favorite Stooges episode of all time, “Disorder in the Court.” The one-liners and slapstick are classic.





The ultimate love story

26 12 2009

My favorite Christmas memory happened yesterday. That says a lot, seeing that my family (which includes my in-laws) has lots of Christmas traditions a get-togethers, and I’ve been a part of so many of them.
Still, what happened yesterday will be forever etched in my mind and heart and will forever be the defining moment of Christmas 2009 for me.
My grandmother has been in this hospital for the past two weeks. At 88, any hospital time is naturally going to be touch and go. I wouldn’t be lying if I said I’ve been freaked out and worried at the same time.
My grandfather is 90 and is suffering from dementia. On Christmas Day, I had to be introduced to him as I would to a person I just met for the first time. That’s hard, considering we’re talking about a man who taught me how to fish, how to play horseshoes, came and got me when I was homesick after my first few weeks of college and always hooked me up with extra custard after dinner.
This year, my grandparents celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary. And they still hold hands.
For the past two weeks, my grandparents have been separated, which is the longest stretch they’ve ever been apart since they got married.
On Christmas Day, we picked my grandfather up from the nursing home he lives in and brought him to the hospital where my grandmother is staying.
The two of them locked eyes, and my grandfather reached his hand out to his Rosie. And she looked at him and said, “After 65 years, we finally found each other.”
For a moment, my grandfather was in the present. All of a sudden, to the best of his ability, he recognized us and knew we were his family. He knew we loved him. And better yet, he remembered how much he loved us.
But even more so, he knew how much he loved his Rose, and we could tell how much Rose loved her Charlie.
We sat and visited and talked about all the different things that have happened in all of our lives. My mom got ice cream for everyone, my sister grabbed coffee for those of us who wanted some, and my father helped the hospital staff clean up the cafeteria after lunch.
It was almost normal, about as close to the memories I have about sitting in my grandparents’ house having a traditional Christmas dinner, with my grandpa forking over a couple extra helpings of custard on my plate.
When it was time to leave, I saw my grandfather look into my grandmother’s eyes and say goodbye, for now. Then I saw him retreat into the world his dementia has created for him.
However, no matter what the future brings, nothing will ever take that day away from me, or my grandparents. It was that day that things seemed somewhat normal, even if it was for a few hours.
It was a day I saw two people who have been married for 65 years fall in love all over again.

Two people who still hold hands.





Off for the holidays

23 12 2009

Krab-cakes and Football is taking a break for the Christmas holiday but will be back afterward with a renewed purpose of blowing your mind. Or nose.

Merry Christmas from me to you. Enjoy yourselves, and this very underappreciated Christmas tune:





Getting a kick in the nuts

21 12 2009

One of the best things I’ve experienced since joining Facebook awhile ago is the chance to re-connect with people I haven’t seen or talked to in years. In many instances, I’ve gotten in touch with people I am truly glad to have crossed paths with over the course of my life.
For some people, I wish our paths would have crossed again in this life before it was too late.
I recently became aware that a good friend I had made as a freshman in college, W. Ross Clark, had fallen seriously ill. Today, I learned he died.
I’m not going to pretend that Ross and I were great friends to this day. In fact, I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years.
Still, the news hit me like a punch to the marbles.
My freshman year at Houghton College was a rough one. In fact, so rough that I left after that first year. But that year was made a little easier by a small group of people I had befriended while there, some I’ve since reconnected with as of late.
Ross was one of those people. He certainly had an unique way about him, but there was no denying that Ross was someone special. He was a great talent, a great personality, and a good friend for the time I knew him.
In fact, Ross is one of those people for whom I’m grateful that he and I shared the same road of life, even if it was for a short period of time.
A blog has been set up in Ross’ honor, which you can read by clicking HERE.
But even more importantly, check out the music he’s left behind by clicking HERE. I’m sure this is what he would want to be remembered for.
Rest in peace, my friend. Count me among those who are glad they had a chance to travel through life with you for a bit, even if it was for a short time.





Worst celebrity year ever?

20 12 2009

Admit it, for all the griping we all do about the amount of coverage given to celebrities, you know you can’t help but reading about it or watching it on TV.
But seriously, what a kick in the gut it was today to read that actress Brittany Murphy died today at the ripe young age of 32.
If anything, 2009 has not been a great year for the rich and famous, whether they were young or old.
Think about it. The following is a partial list of notables who have died so far this year:
Ricardo Montalban, Andrew Wyeth, John Updike, Ron Silver, Marilyn Chambers, Bea Arthur, Jack Kemp, Dom DeLuise, Chuck Daly, David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Karl Malden, Walter Cronkite, Corazon Aquino, John Hughes, Eunice Kennedy Schriver, Les Paul, Ted Kennedy, Patrick Swayze, Eddie “Umaga” Fatu, Roy Disney, Chris Henry and now, Brittany Murphy.
That’s an awful lot of major notables to die in one year.
Murphy is being eulogized for her roles in “Clueless” and “8 Mile,” but I think her best performance was in “Sin City,” a fantastic movie that never got the credit it deserved.
Here’s clip of Murphy from the flick, in what is one of the finer scenes in cinematic history:





Interesting version of cool song

19 12 2009

I put this up at Facebook the other day, but I thought I’d share this video here. It’s a very, very cool cover of “Linus and Lucy,” with a twist of “Christmas Time is Here.”
Nothing says “neat!” like Charlie Brown and a banjo.