Me not so horny

24 02 2010

You are looking at the new bane of my existence. Actually, what you are looking at is an inanimate object I took with a crappy cell phone camera only because I didn’t have a chainsaw with me.
This is the fire horn that blows every time the Broadalbin-Kenyetto Volunteer Fire Department is called out to an emergency call. It’s located 500 feet from my bedroom window.
Last night, and into early this morning, considering the amount of “weather” this area received, this horn went off several times. In the overnight hours.
All to let us know that our tried and true fire department was answering the call.
Look, I have the utmost respect for firefighters. In fact, I have the highest respect for firefighters.
But let’s look at times, because they have a-changed a lot over the past 20 years or so.
Firefighters are supposed to have cell phones and pagers. I’m guessing that most, if not all, of them have scanners. I don’t think a blaring horn hitting what I’m guessing is a “G” above the high “C” is necessary to get the people you need on the job.
To top it off, the fire department’s headquarters is in a location where you could barely hear the alarm from the firehouse. So why is this sucker going off every time a call comes in?
There are several homes located directly in this horn’s blast path. I know for a fact some of these homes have young children who need a good night’s sleep.
I also know these homes have working adults who need a good night’s sleep in order to take care of these children and get to their jobs.
I’ve got news for the people responsible for this antiquated monstrosity. When that horn blares at 3 a.m., those who are shaken out of a dead sleep aren’t standing up and saluting our fire department with respect.
Instead, we’re still laying in our beds giving you the one-finger salute instead.

Shut the sucker down. It’s out-of-date, and it’s unnecessary.





Giving the finger

18 01 2010

I am a big fan of the Nintendo Wii gaming system, particularly because of the interactive game play. However, it appears there are hazards to playing certain games, as evidenced by my sprained finger shown above.
I was playing a game this morning with my youngest daughter, and part of the game requires the player to move the game controller in an upward motion. Of course, I didn’t realize where I was standing, and I wound up smashing my hand into a low-hanging light fixture. Sheesh.
I don’t know what’s more embarassing: getting an injury playing the Wii, or the fact that I was specifically playing a figure skating game.





Benny sez

17 01 2010

“But, (to use a Piece of common Sense) our Geese are but Geese tho’ we may think ’em Swans; and Truth will be Truth tho’ it sometimes prove mortifying and distasteful.”





Giving the face a rest

14 01 2010

I love social networking sites. I also hate them at the same time.
That’s why, for at least a little while, I’m taking a self-imposed break from Facebook and the like (not Twitter since I do not, nor will I ever, become a Twit).
Sites like Facebook are great because they are a great way to reconnect with people you would otherwise not meet up with in real life.
Unfortunately, it also allows you to use it as a sounding board, and every once in awhile, I wind up using Facebook as my therapy couch, sometimes posting without thinking and coming off sounding like a total fruitcake.
Of course, Facebook or not, that last sentiment is probably debatable anyway.
So therefore, it’s time to take a break. There are plenty of other things to do … like concentrate on this blog and my “professional” site, The Venner Vox, which you should totally check out (I never pass up on a chance to plug that site).





The Taint Offensive

30 12 2009

Obviously, there’s been a lot of concern over the fact that a Nigerian flying from the Netherlands to the United States was able to board an airplane wearing and explosive device hidden in his underwear.
In the wake of this incident, there is a growing concern about a possible plan to implement full-body scanning at airports in response to this terrorist attempt.
Even though the Obama administration won’t admit this was a terrorist attack, let’s face it, it was. Whether we call it a “man-made disaster” or any other PC label, it’s still a terrorist attack, whether it’s attempted or pulled off.
So why the furor over the idea of implementing full-body scans at airports?
I’ll admit, the image of my naked body over a computer scan will probably cause children to cower behind their parents in absolute fear, will cause most men to feel better about themselves and cause most women to vomit on the floor and question their very reason for living.
But still, as someone who as flown on airplanes and probably will fly again in the future, I’d like to know that every precaution is being taken to make sure we get from Point A to Point B (or C or D or E, depending on how many connecting flights you have) as safely as possible. After all, you’re already asking a lot by expecting me to cram into a tube and trust that you’ll get me to my destination in one piece.
If that means checking everything out to make sure that happens, feel free to have a gander at the twig and berries. I can assure you, the only bomb you’ll find in that region is the one that’s brewing after I’ve mowed down on a fried onion and drank three cups of coffee.
Hey, it’s almost 2010. There are idiots out there who are attempting and will attempt any and all means to kill a large amount of people at one time.
If that means making sure every person that boards a plane can’t pull something like that off, then by all means, search me.





Now that’s good comedy

29 12 2009

Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong decade, but at least I grew up in a household where I was exposed to real entertainment.
I’m absolutely stoked that AMC is running an all-day Three Stooges marathon on Thursday. I’ll be working that night, but at least I’ll have most of the day to get my fill of Moses, Samuel and Jerome Horowitz and Andrew Louis Feinberg, aka Moe, Shemp, Curly, and Larry.
I really wish they’d still make comedy like this, although topping the Stooges would be a near-impossible task. Various comedy groups since Ted Healy’s boys first appeared on the vaudeville stage, but all of them have fallen short.
That being said, here’s my favorite Stooges episode of all time, “Disorder in the Court.” The one-liners and slapstick are classic.





Off for the holidays

23 12 2009

Krab-cakes and Football is taking a break for the Christmas holiday but will be back afterward with a renewed purpose of blowing your mind. Or nose.

Merry Christmas from me to you. Enjoy yourselves, and this very underappreciated Christmas tune: